everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
