what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
