Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
