I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
