Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
