rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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