During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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