I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize