So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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