How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
