My boss' voice literally gives me gas
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
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