my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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