We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
two words...techno handjob
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
