Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
