I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
