And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
third nipple confirmed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
