Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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