I must be too annoying 4 u.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
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Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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