They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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