i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
