Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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