It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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