Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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