That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
