Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
