i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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