I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
