U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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