There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
