Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
