sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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