I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
