Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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