I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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