i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My vagina just clenched in fear
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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