You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
