Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
