apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
