Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Your cock deserves a montage
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
