I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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