Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
only if we run a train.
done.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
