Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
