yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
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I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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