hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
