so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
