I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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