Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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