wat bout pragnant strippers??
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
40s are totally the cure
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
