i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
