MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
