is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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