Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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