I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
