First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
