I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
