I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
