so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
