I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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