You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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