Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
