the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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