I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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